Course Catalog

School of Deception / "Applied Arts"

Basic Lying (a.k.a. "Coping Skills")

An entry-level course for people who want to pass a polygraph test. Students will gain the knowledge and skills needed to control involuntary responses, including heartbeat and perspiration. They will also discover the secrets of building false premises and creating fictional scenarios. Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites, but students should be reasonably articulate

Pure Evil ((a.k.a. "Pragmatic Philosophy")

This theory-based course covers all aspects of the concept commonly known as evil. Discover why there’s no such thing as evil—and how you can jettison your conscience through logical reasoning and lateral thinking. Entry requirements: Moral ambiguity

Forgery (a.k.a. "Cultural Appreciation")

Develop the technical skills needed to replicate both historical and modern documentation, including: passports, birth certificates, licences, bank checks, scrip, wills, and paper currency. Special attention will be paid to signature forgery, ink chemistry, and carbon dating. Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites, but knowledge of other languages is an advantage

Loopholes (a.k.a. "Law")

This entry-level course is for people aspiring to avoid arrest—and to enrich themselves by suing other people. Familiarize yourself with defensive law, vexatious litigation, and legal loopholes. Learn how the law can be a double-edged sword. Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites

NOTE: Students must be able to distinguish between the concepts of “right” and “wrong.”

Disguise (a.k.a. "Personal Presentation")

Learn advanced impersonation skills—focusing on gait, carriage, and vocal delivery—as well as wardrobe and makeup. Complete transformation is assured. Uncover a new you! Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites

NOTE: Speech impediments, missing limbs, and striking skin problems are a disadvantage.

Infiltration (a.k.a. "Computer Science")

Students will get complete penetration training in all local and wide-area networks. Topics include advanced sniffing, hashing, privilege escalation, port scanning, exploits, back doors, power attacks, virus development, and buffer overflows. Entry requirements: Hackers only

Manipulation (a.k.a. "Psychology")

For those who want to control other people without the use of brute force, this course covers basic psychological ground rules, and demonstrates how to identify and push hot buttons in every personality type. Learn to influence votes, divide families, and incite mob violence. Entry requirements: Patience and intuition

Misinformation (a.k.a. "Media Studies")

Learn all about spin, propaganda, and how to project a misleading media image. This course explores grooming and deportment training, voice coaching, and campaign management hints. Entry requirements: Concurrent enrollment in Basic Lying

Embezzlement (a.k.a. "Accounting")

This course is geared for people who want to use innovation and creativity to steal large sums of money from individuals, corporations, or government bodies. It course covers money laundering, tax fraud, falsifying audits, and other high-level embezzling skills. Entry requirements: Degree or advanced diploma in accounting or at least three years experience in banking/accountancy or equivalent

NOTE: For armed robbery training, please consult the dean of the School of Destruction.

School of Destruction / "Environmental Science"

Explosives (a.k.a. "Applied Physics")

Learn how to blow up anything from a mouse to a mine—without blowing yourself up in the process. Blowing things up is a vital skill for those who aim to take over the world. The course includes instructions on how to make explosives out of ordinary household items. Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites, but earplugs are highly advised

Assassination, Including Poisoning (a.k.a. "Basic Physiology")

For people who want to improve their killing and maiming skills, this course provides training in all forms of assassination, from overt to covert. Sniping, poisoning, suffocation, and mechanical sabotage will be studied intensively. Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites, but students must lack empathy and/or must be bloodthirsty by nature

NOTE: No practical demonstrations will be held on campus.

Power Channeling (a.k.a. "Personal Growth")

For people who want to improve their ability to control and direct any innate power they might have, this course will ensure both personal survival and the survival of those close to you. Students will also learn to concentrate their destructive energies on anyone who pisses them off, without fear of a misfire. Entry requirements: Invisibility, pyrogenic powers, psychic powers, or abnormal physical abilities of any kind

Guerrilla Studies (a.k.a. "Ecosurvival Techniques")

This introductory course is targeted for trainees who want to work or gain skills in waging guerrilla war. Learn about supply lines, small arms, ambush strategies, camouflage, mine detection, and much more. Entry requirements: No formal prerequisites; some shooting experience is an advantage

Case Studies I (a.k.a. "Self-Discipline Skills")

This is a compulsory course for all first-year students. Find out why absolute discretion is required from you—and why loose lips can be fatal. Entry requirements: As long as you’re upright and breathing, you must attend this course; absences will not go undetected

School of Organic Distortion / "Biomedical Science"

Contagion (a.k.a. "Microbiology")

People working in the medical or biological research fields will learn to master the practicalities of growing and disseminating fatal diseases as part of a world domination plan. Entry requirements: Medical or biology degree or equivalent

NOTE: The vaccine development unit is compulsory for everyone enrolled in this course.

Mutation (a.k.a. "Genetics")

This advanced molecular genetics course focuses on the creation and management of genetic mutations, both positive and negative. It includes a unit on radiation-induced mutation. Entry requirements: Degree in biology/postgraduate degree in medicine or equivalent; mutants need not apply